can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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