i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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