alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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