doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
