there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
