I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
