I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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