There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize