I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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