You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Randomize
