oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
