Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
