don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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