Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
