I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
