You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
