Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's get the cat blown out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
