Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
