you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
