More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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