You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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