drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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