finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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