You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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