We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
