well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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