Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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