I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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