A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
