is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize