Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
