just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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