dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
