Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
