Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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