I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
