you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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