hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
