theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
