Dual....:-)
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
