someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need to sanitize my soul.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
how drunk are you?
Several
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
