we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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