I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
barbara walters just said penis...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
