I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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