I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
