You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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