I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
