I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
