Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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