if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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