I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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