Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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