Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
