all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
