Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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