I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
