STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
