I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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