We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
