If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
