nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
