i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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