You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize