Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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