just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
