What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize