chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
